I try not to write about my feelings. I try to avoid mushy diary entries. Nobody wants to read that. I try to share experiences I have had in journalism. It’s relevant (kind of.)
But I have something to get off my chest.
I’ve changed a lot in the past year. Some people credit that to my relationship. And while that has certainly played a part, I don’t think that is it entirely.
In the fall of 2012, I started journalism school. It was scary. Terrifying, actually. I felt like I was a fraud. My classmates were (are) driven, intelligent people. I felt behind. I have a slight inferiority complex. I have always been younger than my acquaintances, so I have always felt like I had to work harder to keep up. That’s how I felt in journalism school.
Than I started to see what I could accomplish. I’ve come a long way.
Now, I have my eyes on the prize. I don’t really know where I want to end up. I want to work in broadcast journalism, preferably TV but radio is cool, too. Besides that, however, I’m not sure where I want to be. Public broadcaster? Private corporation? Daily news? Longer form? That is all up in the air.
But I have my eyes on the prize.
I want to be a damn good journalist. I want to read everything, learn everything; continuously work to make myself better, smarter, sharper. I want to be taken seriously, despite being in my early 20’s.
Sometimes I feel like I don’t recognize the girl who moved to Regina almost four years ago. The girl who graduated from Westwood Community High School. Who thought it would be cool to get paid to tell stories. Who loved dollar draft night and coming home late on Thursday’s, going to class on Friday after a few hours of shut eye.
Maybe I’m too uptight sometimes. I’ve always struggled with balance. I throw myself into something 110 per cent and sometimes I neglect other things. So maybe, yes, I am too uptight. I forget I’m not even 25 yet. I am so focused on getting where I want to go. Maybe I’m not enjoying the journey as much as I should.
But I am. I love working. I love working long hours, I love being overwhelmed.
It’s about balance. I’m working to find it.